A Work in Progress.

Since I don't have any time off, I'm foregoing sleep in order to get something done in my bedroom. It's slowly starting to come together. Only trouble is, the better it looks, the worse the rest of the apartment looks. Seriously, what else am I supposed to do with all the stuff that I took out of the bedroom. Oye. Work in progress. Work in progress...







This is my life...

Artwork For Your Tastebuds.

If this concept is even possible, this:


is artwork for your tastebuds.

A triple layered tower of milk chocolate mousse, dark chocolate mousse peaked with a Belgian chocolate coulis and supported by a chocolate biscuit. The top layer of chocolate melts down the entire mountain!

Compliments Sensations Mont Belge Fondant. Who knew Sobeys had this in them? This is my life!!!

The End. A New Beginning.

As I've sort of been documenting recently, I've been on a soul searching expedition. I am trying to find a way to be happy with my life and decide if that can translate into being happy in a long distance relationship with Jay. This has required me to set aside my love for him, and think seriously about the areas of the relationship that depress me so much. I've had a lot of help from Elizabeth Gilbert! Not personally, but through her book, "Eat Pray Love". The way she described her relationship with David really struck a chord with me. It was SO similar to the things I've been going through with Jay. In her book, David jokingly suggests the following solution:

"What if we just acknowledged that we have a bad relationship, and we stuck it out, anyway? What if we admitted that we make each other nuts, we fight constantly and hardly ever have sex, but we can't live without each other, so we deal with it? And then we could spend our lives together - in misery, but happy to not be apart."

Aside from the specifics being a little off, this is what my relationship with Jay has come to. So tonight we had a rational and reasonable talk about it. We talked about the things we needed from this relationship to make it work while we're forced to be apart. It ended up that what he wanted was something that I realized depressed me about our arrangement and what I wanted (to hug him) wasn't possible.

Jay: You want things that can't happen...
Me: You want things that won't happen.

It turns out that it was a deal breaker for him. (Side note: When my best friend Ay is worried about something her guy has done, I say "Is it a deal breaker?" And when she tells me it isn't, I tell her to not worry about it.) So I'm respecting his request that this all just stops so that he can try to move on. And honestly, I'm alright with that. Neither of us has to put up with something that doesn't make us 100% satisfied with our relationship and we did it without fighting. :)

This is my life.

In Review.

I am a huge fan of Alice Sebold. All of her work. This novel was no exception. From other reviews I've read, I take it that most people don't like this book based on two things that occur within the first few chapters - the main character, Helen, kills her dying mother and then has sexual relations with her best friends adult son. I wonder if people get so appalled by these acts that they immediately hate the Helen? If you keep an open mind (which may be easier for me because I face death on a regular basis in my line of work), I think Helen deserves our compassion (and perhaps pity), not our judgement. My only issue with the book as a whole was the ending. It leaves me wanting to know more!

This is my life...

In a Funk.

To understand the relationship I had with Jay, I think you need to know a little background information. For instance, according to Jay, he fell for me the very first time he ever talked to me, which at this point was almost 2 years ago. In fact, even though I swear he's the catch, he's been chasing me this entire time. And I have totally taken advantage of it. I always knew that no matter how much I messed up, or pushed him away, or even if I broke up with him, he'd always take me back. So even though I love him, I push.

Fast forward to now.

Last night I got into a slight disagreement with Jay. Basically, he tried to talk me into giving us a chance no matter how hard it is. I got upset and sarcastic and said something he didn't appreciate. And now I think that I've really pushed too far. This time I don't know that he will forgive me. This time I don't think that I love you is enough.

The one good thing to come out of this? While lying awake last night, all I could think about is how depressed I've been since he moved away. I work and I sleep and sometimes my friends can drag me out of the house, but usually I have to be bribed with food and even then I'm sure I'm cranky more often than not. My apartment is in shambles. Seriously, I don't think I've washed the dishes in MONTHS! As you may have read in a previous post, it got to the point where I missed Jay so much that I would curl into a ball on the couch and cry my face off anytime I actually heard from him.

The crying outbursts were a huge reason that I needed to break up with him. What's the point of being in love and being in a relationship with someone you love if it makes you feel like that? But upon reflection, I can't blame Jay for this. Like he says, it could be worse, we're both alive and we'll be together someday. Said. Like he said. Oye. I've realized that I can't be happy with someone else if I'm not happy with me. So now I am kicking myself in the ass! I just got off an overnight and I'm back to the Nursing Home for another shift at 4:30pm but I am washing my damn dishes! I am going to put away all my clothes! I am changing the litter box! Even if Jay refuses to forgive me again, I am not living this life of couch to work to couch any longer! ENOUGH IS EFFIN ENOUGH! THIS IS MY LIFE!

Week One: Spring Cleaning

Back to The Cure: Spring 2010. The first week, well weekend is supposed to be dedicated to some Spring cleaning. Since I'm just starting a string of 5 O/N's in a row (3 asleep, 2 awake), I'll be doing this bit by bit as I have the time. Here's some changes I've made during the "cleaning".:






Thoughts?

You probably can't tell in these photos but i'm beginning to put up Sticky Notes to remind myself of the additions/changes I want to try out in the future. Like finally getting a lightbulb for that lamp and getting curtains for the window. Suggestions?

This is my life...

Bedroom Makeover.

These are some bedrooms that I enjoy:


Gorgeous colours but in a rental, it's hard to replicate this. Thank you Apartment Therapy (http://www.apartmenttherapy.com).


Love the symmetry. This is definitely more do-able! Thank you Happily Ever After in Seattle (http://happilyeverafterinseattle.blogspot.com).


Might just be the perfect way to add a focal point to a rental. Thank you ByrdieGraphics (http://www.etsy.com/shop/byrdiegraphics).

I'll come up with a few more ideas over the next couple of days because this is my life.